*UPDATED*

I tried to upload pictures of my sweet Baby German, but WordPress hates me.  I’ll keep trying,  but meanwhile, today’s post is dedicated to the one I love.  (And believe me, he’s FAB)

**UPDATED AGAIN**

I tried this.  Did it work?  If so, it’s my German and me!

13 Things I Love About My German:

1.)  I know I have referenced his bedroom skills, but they do deserve another mention.  My German is a wonderful lover.  It ALMOST seems selfish to hoard him all to myself.  But that’s okay.  My therapist assures me that certain selfish behaviors are quite healthy.  So back off.

2.)  He’s really funny.  Like as in, really quick with the one liners, but not in the jokey “I’ve got one for you” creepy way.  More in the super witty, you can’t believe he said that way.

3.)  He’s a hard worker.  This is really important, because I could never respect a slacker.

4.)  He has supported me in my writing career for more than 10 years, and never once has he ever said a single word about the fact that pretty much any money we have is because HE earned it.  He also never questions my spending, and he never, ever undertips at restaurants.  I think the way a man handles his money says a lot about him.

5.)  He smells as good as he looks.

6.)  He likes watches, and he’s not too good for a nice Swiss Army or something, even though he likes Tags and Omegas and Breitlings, too.  He’s easy to buy for because of this, which I really appreciate.  Don’t tell him, but I’m cooking up a plan for a pretty sweet piece of wrist candy to mark our 20th.

7.)  He takes me golfing with him!  And he says things like, “Nice shot, baby!” and “You look hot when you bend over to mark your ball.”  This makes for lots of extra fun on the golf course, and he always takes me out for a beer afterward.  My German is fun!

8.)  He has broad shoulders and big muscles and a really nice ass.  I am shallow enough to love this about him.

9.)  He is very affectionate.  Always with the hugging and the kissing and playing with my hair and rubbing my feet.  The German loves to snuggle!

10.)  He talks dirty to me.  And he’s good at it.

11.)  He wants me to be happy, no matter what.  He doesn’t cramp my style – he lets me be me.

12.)  He loves our boy.  Even though he’s hard on him sometimes, he really loves our son.  So much that once in a while, he gets misty when he talks about him.  The German has a great heart.

13.)  He’s honest and loyal, and I trust him completely.  This is perhaps the thing I love most about him, and it says an awful lot about him, that he could win complete trust from a woman like me.  

The quickest, easiest 13 I’ve done yet.

Back off, ladies.  He’s all mine.

I love Wednesdays.  Not the beginning, not the end, just the nice fat sweet stuff right in the middle of the week.

  Nice!  (Photo stolen from Cracked.com)

So yesterday I spoke with Brent Monahan, my beloved mentor, and when he asked how the book was going, well, of course he had to hear Baby Tracy moan and cry that it’s horrible, just horrible.  He took pity on me and helped me focus, and we came up with a few tweaks that might just WORK.  The bones are there, but what I’m looking for is a living, breathing, flesh and blood thing (that hopefully does not resemble Frankenstein in any way).

I’m looking for resonance, and Brent reminded me of his three golden rules: Clarity, Brevity, Unity.  Which are great when you KNOW WHAT THE BOOK IS ABOUT.  Ahem.  He also helped me nail down the themes.  So I’m back on track.  Thanks, Brent!

I also took my son to the eye doctor, and my poor, sweet little laddie needs glasses.  Poor Baby E!

  It’ll be okay.  He has a GREAT personality.

Oh, and I’m back on a diet.  Yay for me.  I can look forward to weeks of low energy and gas pains.  But hey, I slept last night.  Life has a way of equaling things out.

Happy Wednesday!

First things first:  I slept last night!

My weekend:

The German and I attended a lovely wedding on Saturday night at Skytop in the Pocono mountains.  We had a blast – drank and danced (The German danced!!!).  The German and I even went out onto the terrace and slow danced beneath the lights outside, which was just about perfect until he whispered the lyrics to the song in my ear, and then perfection was actually achieved.  Ladies, if you want to be happily married, marry a man who whispers in your ear.

After the reception, The German and I went exploring the resort and found ping pong tables, where I discovered that after 4 scotches I cannot hit the ball.  We then found an indoor mini-golf course, where I discovered that after 4 scotches I can still putt.  I ended up wandering into a room that had flapper costumes in boxes, and I also discovered that yes, I DO look fabulous in feather boas, a fact that I had long suspected but never confirmed.  We wandered some more and found a tap room, wherein I enjoyed a cold, creamy Guinness and some conversation with new BFFs (the best BFFs are always found in tap rooms after hours).  Then, off to the room where we made the very best use of the hotel bed and the feather boas.

All in all, a very good wedding.  Thanks Baby Matt Matt!

Yesterday we met our new BFFs for breakfast and then said our goodbyes, made plans to hang out again, and drove home.  Upon arrival at the German/MacNish household we did nothing, rendered useless by extreme fatigue and mutual hangovers.  We watched golf, though, which makes for very good intermittent napping.  I highly recommend Sunday afternoon golf when you’re too tired to move.

In other news, I haven’t been blogging much because I’m in the weeds with this new book, the shape and size of which is vast and formless just now.  I need to hemorrhage several more chapters, and I have not a frigging clue what’s going to happen.

This is the part of the book where I have long, detailed fantasies about returning my advance money and calling it quits.

Also?  Despite the sleeping last night (which was really just my body trying to recover from the liver training), I’m still tired. 

And so I’m off to Get Back To It. 

Oh, but first?  Have you heard that song by the Flobots?  Seriously.  It will infect your brain and repeat endlessly.  I know they’ve got stuff to say and all, but is it necessary to record an earworm? 

And second?  Get a feather boa.  Or two.

 

Got insomnia?

Whatever!  Stop your complaining and cheer up.  Need help?  Look at this:

  He’s dishy and I’m spoony.  We’re a perfect match!  And speaking of perfect matches, check THIS out:

 Why, yes.  That IS Colin Firth drenched in coffee.  I did say we were a perfect match, no?  Here I am, so tired I want to die, and into my life comes coffee with Colin Firth!  (I don’t need no stinking half and half.  I want whole man in my coffee, please.)

And because I have nothing else to say, now that I’m having torrid fantasies involving Colin Firth and an espresso machine, here’s a meme I stole from Beth, because if Beth can steal it from Lyvvie and Lyvvie can steal it from Chick, than I figure it’s mine for the taking.

You’re feeling:  Tired, and very worried about the book I’m writing.

To your left:  A walk-through closet that will someday be my wine cellar.  Beyond that, the pantry and the five steps leading up to my kitchen.

On your mind:  The book, the book, the damn book, and three repeating questions I keep asking the damn characters who inhabit the damn book: Who are you?  What do you want?  What is the worst thing that could happen to you?

Last meal included:  A cocktail.

You sometimes find it hard to:  Sleep.

The weather:  Overcast and cool.  Rain expected later.

Something you have a collection of:  Books, shoes, evening gowns, and jewelry. 

A smell that cheers you up:  Clean sheets, fresh air, the German’s skin.

A smell that can ruin your mood:  Vomit.

How long since you last shaved:  Yesterday.

The current state of your hair:  Long and straight (I love my flat iron!).

The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer):  My whiteboard/cork board thingie that is leaned against the back of the desk, behind my laptop.

Your skill with chopsticks:  Excellent.  I learned chopsticks before a fork, because I lived in Taiwan as a child.

Which section to head for first in a bookstore:  Romance.

Something you’re craving:  Sleep, and in lieu of that, coffee.  

Your general thoughts on the presidential race:  Canada seems a lovely place to live.

Favorite place to go for a quiet moment:  A bicycle ride.

You’ve always secretly thought you’d be a good:  Actor.

Something that freaks you out a little:  My book is due in 8 weeks.  (This freaks me out more than a little, actually.)

Something you’ve eaten too much of lately:  Chinese food.

You have never:  Gotten a tattoo, shaved my head, or dated a three hundred pound biker named Pedro.  I’ve also never written a best selling novel, had my work made to film, bought my dream house in Key West and a flat in NYC, and had a dog named Dave. 

You never want to:  Lose my sense of fun and excitement, my hopes and dreams.

(Something else I’ve never done):